I've Lost Myself

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I've Lost Myself

I think I am digging myself a really big hole. It started with my broken ankle. I broke it doing gymnastics. I gained weight, and then I wanted to lose it. People said, even my dad, that if I lost those extra pounds my scores would go up.

I started writing down everything I ate; the calories, carbs, fat, and sugars. I lost weight. I went from 153 to 138 in 2.5 months. I want to get to 120. People say it is muscle from gymnastics, but I can see that the other girls are thinner. I might have a distorted view of myself, and that scares me. Yet I continue to watch the numbers on my food log dwindle down.

I now base what I eat on a 1,000 calorie limit. I feel terrible when I eat over 1,000 calories and 100 carbs. Yes, I eat, but I exercise like crazy. Then I go on these little binges where I just eat out of boxes of cereal and crackers and peanut butter, and then I exercise in addition to my 20 hours a week gymnastics schedule just to burn it off.

I see only flaws and things that need improving. I know I am heading down a bad path that is leading to an eating disorder, but I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about it or friends. I need some good advice on finding myself again.

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	Dã ßâß¥gû®l	16-Apr-09

Hey, I can honestly say you sound exactly like me a couple years ago! I went through a period of only eating 1000 calories and exercising continuously. Hun, I have to say you arent developing an eating disorder, you already have one! Your body's probably already shutting down only eating 1000 calories a day and working out more then that! Your body needs calories to survive the day. You have to realize that if you dont eat more then that, that you might fail at gymnastics! I went so far that my bones began breaking easily, and being a boxer... That wasnt good! A person who is active alot of the time should be eating about 1600-1800 calories a day. sometimes even more then that! Depending on your metabolism and your height and frame. Trust me... You already sound small! and I can imagine being a gymnast you probably already have alot of muscle mass so thats where most of the weight is! Its not embarrassing to talk to somebody about this, I think you should!, eating disorders are normal for today especially! The first step is realizing! so Congrats to you on realizing it! The second step is... Talking to somebody! See a nutritionist, if you cant. Research good diets on line... Goto Self.com and see how much ur diet should be... Theres tons of sites online that can you figure out how many calories you should be eating to maintain or lose weight! 1000 Calories a day isnt healthy, even for a lazy person! and it took me a year to realize that! I hope I've ed because I hate to think that anybody could be in the position i was in! Goodluck to you!